43. Take a hint

- Are everybody in sauna? Venla sees just piles of clothes everywhere when coming inside. 

- I'm not, Tanja calls from the corner. -But yes, almost everyone's in there. Venla realizes she is interrupting something. That Ilari’s UN friend Antti is sitting with Tanja and they are very close to each other. They clearly want some time alone. Venla can almost feel the tension on the air. Tanja makes subtle nudge pointing towards sauna implying Venla should go now and give them some privacy. 

– I… I think I'll join them too, Venla muses. -I'm freezing. 

-But hey, your boobs will look good from the cold, Tanja says and they both laugh. Though Venla's laughter has a bit nervous tint. She isn't so used of going into mixed sauna. 

Antti coughs after Venla is gone. 

– I didn't know she was your friend. 

- My best friend, Tanja corrects him. 

– Should have apologized or something. I made a fool of myself last time I was here 

- Oh. Forget that. Where were we? 

– We were taking about that mistake we made. 

- Mistake? 

– We let that one argument weight too much and then it was too late. 

- Mm. I ended up making mistake after another after that, Tanja sighs. -Though it lead to one of the best things in my life. 

- I don't follow anymore? Antti looks questioning. 

– I have a daughter, Tanja explains. 

– Ah. Ok. 

– Sometimes I think if I've called you back back then things could have ended diffirently, Tanja looks at her hands. They fall silent. Antti shifts and then he sighs. 

– I have thought that day like trillion times, he says slowly. I literally thought I would have gone to you and talk things thru. But I didn't and I keep regretting that to this day. 

- I'm sorry, Tanja says quietly. - it's too late to that now, but I wanted to say it. I have a big mouth and I sometimes get carried away and say things I really don’t mean. 

- It shouldn't been such a big issue. Antti says and takes Tanja's hand into his. - You’ve forgiven. 

- Thanks. It really weighted on me. 

– Show me her pic. 

- Who? 

- Your kid. 

Tanja blinks and gets her phone. 

- How old? 

- Year and half. 

- She's spitting image of you, Antti has a faint smile. – I can't help but think that if things were diffirent, she could have been mine. Tanja makes a suffocated sound. 

– Now you are twisting the knife, she whispers. 

-Sorry. 

- No. Just a thought what could have been… I dumped her dad right after she was born and.. I don't know.

 - You’ve been alone all that time? 

- Mm. 

- Fuck. This is unfair. 

– It sure is. They are silent for a while. -I miss you, Tanja gasps as she throws her arms into Antti's neck, chrash her lips over his. - Uh. Got carried away again, she laughs nervously when they broke away from the kiss.

– Want to leave? Antti says. 

- Depends, Tanja says. 

– Let's get something to eat, have sex and talk more? 

– I like the way you think!